Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
