If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
