spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
