If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
