in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
