Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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