My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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