$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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