I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
