I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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