New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
