After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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