i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
