Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
