Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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