My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
