I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
pray to the hookup gods
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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