Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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