I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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