did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
