it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize