Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
