Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
