Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
