I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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