saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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