I want to have your abortion
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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