i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
