Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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