Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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