My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
