New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
