i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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