Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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