My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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