I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging