I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date