John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..