I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals