please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
