this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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