i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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