i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
