I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
