His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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