I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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