Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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