he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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