I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
