Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
