just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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