My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
