Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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