Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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