If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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