spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
