i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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