What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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