Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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