I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
