....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
