i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
