She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just gargled with NyQuil
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
