You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
